POSSLQ Ponderings Part Three

Very long, definitely strange, and quite the trip

2012-02-02T19:28:00.001-06:00

Once again, I'm back in Texas. This time, I'm heading in the direction of home. There's only one obstacle standing in my way of a home that doesn't roll and a bed about as big as the entire living area of my sleeper cab.

It's this load I picked up in San Diego. See, while they were nice enough to give me a load that would point me in the direction of home, they also gave me something with so much time on it that I don't know if I can deliver early or not. I had called when I parked, but the person I spoke to advised me to call back tomorrow, as they would know for sure if I could be in that afternoon or not. I'm hoping I can deliver either tomorrow afternoon or on Saturday morning.

I also don't know what my company will do if I can't deliver on either of those days. I feel it's highly unlikely that they would have me sit on a load for three and a half days, but the way things have been going, you never know.

I have been doing small prep work, cleaning the truck and packing things I know I will not need. I'll do the bulk of it when I'm ready to roll back to the yard, or even after I get there.

Wish me luck, I'm gong to need it.

Homeward, this time for sure! (Part 754878 in a series)

2012-01-30T18:52:00.001-06:00

Greetings my friends. I managed to make it to my drop in California with only a couple of hitches, namely the flat tire hitch and the burned-out low beam headlight hitch, unfortunately noticed by the member of the Arizona Highway Patrol. So, once those were fixed, I made my way to my stopping point, amazingly enough right across from the drop point. I settled in and waited for the morning.

I was bright and early for my delivery time, and to my surprise, all I had to do was drop the full trailer at the site. Okay, no problem there, but there were no empty trailers from our company, so I had to wait until they found one for me to pick up. Which they did. In San Diego.

Off to San Diego I went, moving incredibly well over the mountains thanks to having no weight on my back end (and no trailer). I got to the pickup point, got the trailer, and waited for the load that would, mercifully and hopefully, take me toward home.

No such luck. I got a pickup in Brawley, California, heading to Denver. I sighed heavily, called in for my mandatory talk regarding the specific load I had to pick up, and called my driver manager to notify him that I would need to buy a new load lock (one was still in the trailer I dropped back in Calexico), and to ask when it would be possible to head towards home. He did some finagling, and amazingly enough, I get to have a 34-hour reset of my hours of service (which was necessary no matter what load I received as I had nowhere near enough hours to get anything moving), and then I pick up a load here, heading to Fort Worth.

Which is near Dallas.

Which is near home.

I have my fingers and toes crossed that, after delivering this load, I can finally bring the truck back and take some well-deserved home time. For now, though, I relax, make my trip plan for the load (picks up on Wednesday and delivers Monday, plenty of time to run). I may call the receiver and see if I can deliver early, if I'm in the area early. I just pray I don't get repowered. I may tell the one that tries to repower me that this is my home load, and unless they're giving me a load directly to Dallas, to go piss up a rope (although I'll put it in a nicer way).

I'll let you know how things go.

Does sightseeing count if you can't stop?

2012-01-28T19:31:00.002-06:00

The sun is sinking low, and another 640 miles have been subtracted from my destination. I am currently in Winslow, Arizona, and much to my dismay, I can't go stand on the corner. It's about a mile or so from the truck stop I'm camping at for the night, and yet I have no way to get there, nor do I have a way to get back.

Such is the downside of the job I have. I get to go to some pretty cool places, and pass by some very interesting attractions, but I just don't have time to play tourist, nor is there really anywhere to park 70 feet of truck so I can do so. For example, yesterday I passed through Oklahoma City and went by Tinker Air Force Base. There was an air museum there, with several types of aircraft on display outside, ranging from fighter planes to one of the old jumbo jets used as Air Force One. I would have LOVED to have been able to stop and just wander for a few hours or so, but alas...

I had a similar experience when I passed through Huntsville, Alabama. I could see the Space Museum, or at least one of the Apollo-class rockets was visible from the highway. Again, couldn't stop, couldn't even take a damn picture.

I would have loved to have been able to take a picture when I saw the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile heading east on I-40 through New Mexico earlier today. Or maybe just some photos from one of the many tourist traps/attractions along the way, just so I had definite proof that yes, I was in fact nearby.

Maybe one of these days I'll get the chance to play tourist. It's a longshot, and would require a major lottery win, but I'd love to take someone special along with me, and show her the sights that I've seen.

And this time, we'd be able to stop.

Just to get my mind off things

2012-01-26T19:25:00.003-06:00

As I travel the roadways around this great country of ours, sometimes my mind wanders off to new and different locations. After the past few weeks, I decided to let it go today, mainly because any thoughts of work, or the people I work for, would be just enough to make me go screamingly insane. Okay, more screamingly insane than I currently am. And with more screaming.

As I'm heading along I-40 in Tennessee, I see this billboard advertising one of the local strip clubs. The ad has a picture that consists of a woman's arm and hand, holding a garment that could either be a segment of underwear, or possibly even part of a swimsuit. It was tough to tell because along the length of the picture where the garment was, was a big yellow bar with the word "CENSORED" covering up the item of clothing. Note that the only thing you see of the girl was her outstretched arm.

So, this got me thinking: is it against the law in Tennessee to publicly show photographs of clothing not being actually worn? And, could there be a market for a website devoted to laundry porn? You know, on the tame side, maybe show some one-piece bathing suits or pajama bottoms, get a little more risque and show G-strings and thongs, possibly some lacy lingerie ... we could do the "group" thing with pictures of clotheslines, and for those that prefer the "mature" angle maybe some photos of underwire bras and girdles.

These are the kind of thoughts that show why I have the job I do, and why I need to be segregated from the population at large.

Will this moment of truth set me free?

2012-01-23T16:12:00.000-06:00

So, remember about how I thought I would be able to take a 34-hour restart before taking a load into Buffalo, and then getting a load back toward Texas? Guess what?

I got taken off that load, and essentially had to run through the night to deliver a load in New Jersey, in a town that isn't even listed in my road atlas. I found it, and my GPS even had a better route than the company's automated routing system. But, there was one other obstacle standing in my way.

The truck wouldn't start. Again.

After messing around with it for about two hours, I finally got it to turn over and run, but had to keep starting it repeatedly to make sure it would actually work when I needed it to. Bear in mind that I still needed to catch a nap since I'd be running all night long to make my delivery time. I managed to get a whole hour's worth of sleep, but at the cost of not being able to start the truck. Another hour later, I got the truck running, met up with the driver I was repowering, pulled next to the trailer I had to hook up with, shut the truck down for not more than fifteen minutes, and ... I think you can guess what happened, or more accurately, didn't happen.

More futzing, swearing, and manipulating, and the truck finally started, I got hooked up, and away I went to Joisey. Made it on site, checked in, and lost even more sleep because I was at least two and a half hours early. Couldn't go to sleep, had to keep the truck going you know. So, I got unloaded, drove to the nearest safe haven, let sleep overrule my brain and posted what I was really thinking on Google Plus, then collapsed as sleep finally won out.

I had a load to pick up this morning, and lo and behold, truck wouldn't start. Back and forth once again with the repair people at my company, got it started (finally), and drove to the nearest approved repair facility. They had me pull in to the service bay, and after about an hour the mechanic came over, tried to start the truck, and ... nothing. He hooks up a battery booster, gets the truck running, and does his diagnostics. Batteries are really good, alternator works fine, no loose or shorted connections, starter motor's okay ... nope, this one has to go to a Kenworth dealer. Nearest one is about an hour's drive away. Clock's still ticking on my pickup, but gotta get this problem fixed. I get to the dealer, and after checking in, I'm told the truck won't even be looked at until tomorrow and I better get a hotel room.

Great.

I call the office to speak with my driver manager. As of 4 pm Central time, I still haven't heard from him. In fact, I've heard nothing from the company at all. I don't know what to conclude from that. And, at this point, I really don't care.

I'm staying at a Holiday Inn on my own dime, and fortunately they get a reduced rate for being a customer of the Kenworth dealer. I will sleep in a real bed for the first time in a month and a half, and I will be applying to any job I am qualified to do because this is the last straw.

Maybe now, I'll get to go home. Maybe.

Saturday Coffeehouse Post

2012-01-21T09:11:00.002-06:00

Okay, I'm not really at a coffeehouse, but I do have a bottle of Frappuccino, and dammit, I think that should count.

As I sit here at the truck stop, under the lead-grey skies, watching the occasional snow flurry pass overhead, I feel glad that I don't have to go anywhere until tomorrow when conditions will improve, and sad because I'm nowhere near being close to home. I've been on fifteen trips so far, with two more in line. I'm tired. I'm grateful for the brief break but know I need something longer to fully recharge myself.

I'm also concerned about the trip I've been pre-planned on for Monday. I suppose, under ideal conditions, I could make it in the time frame they set, but not knowing the exact delivery time makes it look fairly impossible right now. I'm hoping the confusion will lift once I know more about it, which won't happen until Monday.

Being up here in actual winter conditions only reinforces why I moved to Dallas in the first place. My hatred for winter knows no bounds, especially after spending a good chunk of my driving career in places like southern New England and the Upper Midwest. I'd much prefer to be in a climate where I can actually feel, let alone move, my fingers and toes. I can handle winter in small doses now, but prolonged periods, where antigel in the fuel tanks and praying the truck will start on some frosty morning are de rigeur has, surprisingly, lost it's allure.

Speaking of starting the truck, I can only hope I can do that come tomorrow morning, or else the emergency repair phone line will be getting a very heated call from me demanding that they actually fix the damn problem, instead of throwing another palliative measure at it and hoping it will carry me through.

Although, given the forecast, some extra heat wouldn't be a bad thing right now.

At least I'd be heading homeward...

2012-01-20T18:21:00.002-06:00

While I never made it to Massachusetts, I did my super-early-morning delivery in upstate New York. I wasn't too pleased with this, mostly because of the monster snowstorm forecast to move in to the area, and I knew I was going to get trapped in it one way or another. Sure enough, I got dispatched to pick up a load even further north, as in right along the lake north, and it's here that we rejoin our comedy of errors.

I get to the shipper early, because the pickup time was scheduled for later that evening and I knew I couldn't get there at the time specified with the hours I had remaining for the day. I got there, checked in, and the load wasn't ready yet, as I expected. I was allowed to take my break on-site, so I parked and settled in.

I got a message from the dispatcher saying the load time had been moved to the next day, same time. Worked for me, I was already there, they bumped the delivery date up to accommodate, and all was good. Until I got called back and was told the load was back on for that night. Right around the time the storm was going to hit, naturally. Since the delivery date was bumped up, I said no problem, I'd finish my break there, stay the night because of the weather, and roll in the morning.

I did my trip plan while I was waiting. Had I enough hours, I probably could have made it fairly close to the actual delivery date. I double checked -- not happening with the hours I had left. I notified my driver manager and settled in for the rest of the night.

I got up this morning, went to start my truck -- nothing. Even though the APU (auxiliary power unit) was running and theoretically charging the batteries, I still couldn't get the truck running. I put in a call for maintenance and kept trying to start it, at the mechanic's request. I finally got it to fire and was able to get rolling with my load. I wasn't too far off the time I said I was going to be leaving. So far, we're doing okay.

I got to my fuel stop, filled the truck, parked to have a quick lunch, and sent in a request to repower the load. My driver manager called back and we reviewed the time I would have, and he said he'd see what he could do. I started rolling to my planned stopping point.

I got the message to detour to a different place for the repower. I got here, parked, and waited. The other driver showed up, and I could see he had a load on his trailer. Turns out he has two loads, going to different places in Buffalo. They both deliver on Monday. No problem, thought I, I camp here tonight and tomorrow, and on Sunday I drive the four hours or so back to Buffalo.

Then I got the preplan for my next load. Pick up in Batavia (about an hour east of Buffalo) Monday afternoon, going to Beaumont, Texas. About fifteen-hundred miles. And when is the delivery date, you ask? Wednesday.

Basically, I've been given a day and a half to run fifteen-hundred miles. A trip that takes at least three days (figuring eleven hours available to drive, it clocks in at two 11-hour days with another 9-hour day) and they want it there in a day and a half.

I can only hope this is some way to get me headed back toward home, and someone will repower this load. Or, maybe dispatch screwed up yet again, and I will have enough time to run the load. Either way, it's indicative of what I've been going through these past few weeks, and pretty much through my entire time out here.

I just want to go home.

I don't think it's too much to ask.

So, I'll watch the snow fall here in Ohio, and plan my next moves. And pray I can get the truck running when I need to.

GOD HATES PLANS-POSSLQs PLAN GOD LAUGHS

2012-01-18T13:10:00.001-06:00

I was amazed at how smoothly things were going on this latest trip. The load I was to pick up in Missouri was actually ready to go not long after I arrived at the shipper, and I was having no trouble making my time and sticking to my trip plan. I had a southerly route planned to take me away from any potential snowy spots, so it appeared that there would be no real delays along the way.

So, if all is going so swimmingly, why the title above?

I was enroute to my next stop-off point when I got a message to call in. They wanted me to repower a load going just over the border in upstate New York. Right along the lake. Just east of Erie, PA to be exact. It delivers at 4 am.

I've been up since 5 am, I'm not even remotely sleepy, and I'm seeing snow all along the route for today and tomorrow.

So, new plan: I'm going to do some laundry (drying now, actually), get a shower, and see if I can't grab a few hours of a nap before setting off along the snow trail to wherever it is I have to be at the crack of I-can't-freakin'-believe-this-crap.

Should I make it intact, I'll write more when I can.

PS - I can go home soon, right??

My gypsy road BETTER take me home...

2012-01-16T15:00:00.002-06:00

It's been a crazy journey of over a month and around ten thousand miles. The pace is starting to take it's toll on me as well -- for the past week my normal routine (as normal as it gets out here anyway) has been flipped, and out of necessity than a desire to do so, I've been doing more driving at night. Staying up all night long with only fitful sleep during the day isn't doing wonders for my mental status. And, running flat out without a real break in the action for the past week and a half hasn't done wonders for my disposition either.

Given the fact that I left the home terminal about a month ago, I figured I'd be getting pretty darn close to the time I could return to take some much-needed time off at home. I am a creature that needs a bit of time to decompress with no real responsibilities, and I also figured that this way I could get some stuff caught up on the home front. I contacted my driver manager earlier this month and mentioned that when the time was up I would like to be sent back to the yard to begin my home time. I got no reply.

Imagine my surprise and outright horror when I learned that they had me slated to spend another whole month out here.

I give myself a lot of credit for holding myself together and not having a total psychotic breakdown. I think my reaction was more along the lines of resigned acceptance, simply saying that if I had to spend another month on the road, so be it. I figured I could break down later on in private, anyhow.

I had to call in to clear up a matter and when I did, I mentioned that I had thought that our time out was only around five weeks, give or take, but if Ihad to do another month, so be it. The driver manager I spoke to (mine no big surprise, wasn't available) said the computer had me in for that length of time, but since I'd been out here as long as I had, she asked when I would like to return home. I said anytime within the next two weeks was fine, and I was given a time of ten days from today. It may not be exact, but I can live with that. At least I have a bright spot to shoot for.

So, wrapping up the week of suck, I am sitting and waiting for the next load assignment. It's nice to be able to sit and relax for a bit. I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

It's almost that time again, I hope

2012-01-15T16:02:00.001-06:00

I've been out on the road for the past month now, traveling hither and yon, back and forth, and truth be told, I'm getting very tired and my thoughts are drifting toward the magic moment when I can finally head home. You'd be amazed how big of a deal it is to sleep in a nice big, soft bed, in a room that seems at least ten times bigger than the living quarters I've been in for the past month with no deadlines or other pressures interrupting my sleep.

After this past week, heading home has been very big on my mind. I'm quite due for a de-stressing period, which I can never fully achieve in the limited downtime I have between runs. A few days would be good, forever would be ideal but not practical, and at this point I'll take what I can.

I finally got my load out of Alabama yesterday, 30 hours after I had arrived to pick it up. I did some figuring and if I run the hell out of it I can be there on time tomorrow; in fact I should be there obnoxiously early based on my calculations. One good thing to happen, I suppose.

I plan on reminding my driver manager about my home request within the next few days. If the timing of my review is any indicator, my time should be close to up on Friday, Saturday at the absolute latest. I'll try not to get too anticipatory about my actual return date, but I am hoping I'll get an indicator as to an approximate return date so I can get my stuff packed and be ready to hit the trail homeward.

This past month has been full of ups and downs, and while not quite at the level of an ancient Greek epic, it has felt positively Herculean at times.

I shudder to think what my next trip is going to be like. Or for that matter, what the next 35 days after my home time has in store. No matter; I will be dealing with that when it happens.

(Personal aside to Sirius Radio: I do like your eighties channel, but honestly, when I'm overtired and many miles from home, Dan Fogelburg is not a good thing for me to hear right now, kthxbai.)

In closing ... soon.

A whole week of Friday the 13th

2012-01-13T15:35:00.003-06:00

I finally got some internet back, and since my load won't be ready until later tonight, I'm taking advantage of that to get some bills paid and get this caught up. I think the last time I was able to write, I was in Connecticut. I am now in southeastern Alabama, waiting for my load to northwestern Missouri. Oh, what a fun time I had in between. Here, let me tell you all about it.

So, I made my way to Massachusetts for my delivery. I was good and early, and had a little bit of a tough time backing in, but all in all that stop went fine. I finished there, and picked up a load bound for northern New Jersey. I got that, camped back in Connecticut for the night, and set off on my adventure early that morning.

Now, one thing I've discovered in my travels is that there are very few truck stops in New England. Actually, there's very few all along the east coast for that matter, and if you don't get into one before thee sun sets, you are either hard-pressed to find parking, or there's simply no room at all. All of the truck stops, and rest areas along the highway, are full to the rafters. Bear this in mind, it'll be important later in the story.

Okay, we're in Jersey. I need to back into this very tight loading area. And so I did ... for about an hour. A FREAKIN' HOUR. And I still couldn't get in straight. I was happy that I was able to get in to the dock door in such a way that they could finally get me unloaded. Never mind the fact that I had another load booked against me before I had even gotten close to delivering this one. SO, when I got close to being ready to unload, I opened the trailer doors and took out the load locks, setting them along the side of the building where they wouldn't get damaged. Guess what got damaged. And guess who has to buy two new load locks. Preferably before I leave here to get my current load.

Off to my next pickup, a little further south from where I was, going to Virginia. Western Virginia. My hours of service clock is getting pretty low at this point, so the only option I had was to run the load straight in to the receiver and take my break there. I was fortunate that I was able to take long enough of a break, because by the time they got me unloaded it was around midnight local time. Forget trying to find a parking spot; I tried. I parked on the side of the road near the truck stop to get some supplies (soups, snack foods, and drinks), in an area that was in no way marked as "No Parking." I'm figuring out my next trip when I see a flashlight on my windshield. Oh hey, it's a member of the local law enforcement, here to tell me that there's no parking on the road and I had better be moving before the deputy further down got to me to write me a ticket. So, with no other option, I rolled through the night into North Carolina.

I arrived at the shipper with plenty of time to spare, dropped my trailer, and played the Where The Hell Can I Park game. It seemed no two security personnel could give me the same answer and, as a result, I ended up moving twice before I found a spot I could stay undisturbed until my load was ready. My load came ready later that night, I got approval to roll (this time), and off I went to Alabama. According to the information I was given at dispatch, I wasn't due at the receiver until 6 am today. NO problem, I thought, I can camp close, and roll in about an hour before the time I need to be there. So, that's what I did, staying at this little hole-in-the-wall truck stop because there's nothing else available in that area.

Which brings us to today. I rolled in as (I thought I was) scheduled, only to be told I was late. They had the appointment time booked at 3 am. Someone lied to me, and I don't know who, but it still rankled me all the same. I got a door assignment, and surprise, there's already a trailer in there, with other truck taking all of the other available doors as soon as they came in. This is not the way I wanted to start my day. I finally got backed in to a door, got unloaded, and came down for my next load. I have about two hours left on my clock for today, so when the load's ready I will have to go in, camp until midnight when I get some more hours back, and then run all night long again, at least until the limit of my hours.

I am tired, I am not feeling all that great from not being able to eat all that well for the past three or four days, I am super frustrated, I haven't had a shower since at least Monday, and all I really want to do is go home. And, because this is how my brain works when I'm super-tired and completely frazzled, I wonder if my "home" is now really nothing more than a place to sleep for five days or so before I have to drag my stupid self back into this truck and start the madness all over again.

I should try to shower, and then try to get more of a nap so I can be ready to run all night again. Which I completely hate but have no choice, much like everything else lately.

So, until next time, farewell from Alabama, until the next time I'm able to write again.

Old (Near) Home Week(end)

2012-01-08T17:27:00.001-06:00

Wow ... that was a fun trip. I picked up a load in Arkansas, bound for Massachusetts. After breaking down in Tennessee, I finally made it to Connecticut, where I was able to find a wifi signal and get some stuff updated, like this blog. I know you all missed me. Go ahead, admit it.

I'm about an hour and a half from anything resembling where I used to live, but it's still weird to be here. I was born in this state, I lived here for most of my life, I've driven from one end to the other, and yet, being here today, I feel like a tourist. I still recognize various things, and I can pretty much tell where I am by what exits I pass on I-95. It's still pretty cool to pass the WWE headquarters in Stamford (between exits 9 and 10, you can see it from the highway), and it'll be interesting to pass through New Haven and Hartford on my way north.

But, I still feel like I really don't belong here.

In a way, I really have no life here anymore. My life is in Dallas, as is my home and all that I hold dear. I still have family here, but we were never all that close. For all that I may want to come back for a vacation and spend some time here just looking around, I couldn't fathom living here again. Never mind the whole "winter" thing, it just doesn't feel like a place I would want to spend the rest of my life. About seven years ago, it looked like I might do just that, until events sent me out to the Frozen Tundra, and then down to the south.

Still, it's just for tonight, and tomorrow I'll be on my way back to Massachusetts. Then, I'll get another load to who-knows-where, and the cycle will continue. I'm going to see about a shower, and I need to get sleep because tomorrow I start early, if for no other reason than to beat the traffic I remember all too well around Hartford and New Haven.

Some things never change. Unfortunately.

Pleasant (hopefully) dreams

2012-01-05T19:31:00.001-06:00

It's hard enough for me to get sleep when I'm under a load, mainly because I'm always afraid I'll not hear the alarm and oversleep, missing my appointment time and causing a service failure, which would be a bad thing to have on my record. Not that I sleep well in the first place, as it's tough to get comfortable, but I'm hoping the pillow I bought ('cuz it was on sale) will help.

So, what I didn't need early this morning was the vivid nightmare I had about work. Only it wasn't about the work I'm doing now, oh no. This dream concerned the job I left. It dealt with the aggravation and frustration I felt, and it really got to me.

Mainly because most of the frustrations are almost the exact same ones I'm going through on this job.

It seems strange to me how my current woes are manifesting themselves in what I left behind, and are projecting that instead of keeping things in the here and now. Granted, I'm no psychiatrist, but if I were, I'd prescribe myself a lovely regimen of antidepressants and bill myself an obscene fee.

Most of my concerns are the same concerns most people have about their jobs, so it's nothing new or different, and I don't know why I am choosing to obsess over this in my dreams. Maybe it's the anxiety of always having to meet new challenges every time I get dispatched -- different shippers and receivers, traveling over unfamiliar roads far from any comfort of home, the pressure of making an effort to be on time -- that could be sparking this.

All I know is, I'm doing okay out here as far as I'm concerned because no one's called to complain about how I'm doing things. It's the old "no news is good news" thing, and it seems to be working well for me. In a couple of weeks or so I'll be able to go home and de-stress for a bit, before starting all over again.

But, for now, I will attempt to get some decent sleep tonight. I deliver early in the morning, and I have no idea what plans they have for me back at the home terminal.

Pleasant dreams.

Back on the road

2012-01-04T18:58:00.001-06:00

I was correct in that I received a load assignment. It came through yesterday afternoon, for pickup this morning and delivery on Friday. It's not a long trip, but it keeps me moving and will add a few bucks to the bank account.

It's been a very long, tiring day, mainly because of having to deal with not just the traffic, but the many layers of contacts at the place I work for. The more I have to interact with the office, the less enchanted with the company I become. Notice that I said "the company" and not "the job," because while the job can be frustrating at times, I still like what I do, to a point.

What I can do without, however, is the anger and frustration I get just trying to fulfill my duties as was explained to me before I even hit the road. Here's some examples:

Before I roll on a trip, I have to place a call to my driver manager and do a verbal trip plan, and once it's agreed upon, send it back in so there's a record of it in the system. Sounds great in theory, right? Well, try getting through on our phone lines. I sat on hold for four solid hours waiting to do the verbal before I gave up, wrote up the route I planned to take (which I vetted with the road atlas, as per policy), and sent it in.
Our computer system sends a recommended route once you acknowledge your load assignment, showing fueling locations to use and the like. This run had no fuel stops, until we went through the trip plan, after which it changed the route we agreed upon and added a fuel stop twenty miles off-route. Basically, I have to bypass my destination to fuel and head back again. And then they tell you not to gain too many out-of-route miles.

I guess it's no wonder that I'm actively looking for a local driving job. Besides the fact that the life of a road warrior gets lonely and I'd like to be able to sink into my own bed more than once every five weeks or so, dealing with this crap on a daily basis is wearing me down. And I'm far from the only one. I spoke to a driver just last week, who was only halfway through the first part of the "solo grad driver" program, and he said that as soon as he dropped the load he had, he was requesting a route back to the terminal because he was quitting.

You know it's bad when you're out getting your trailer's annual inspection and the shop manager of the place you're visiting says that he wonders how anyone can conduct business with our comany given it's next to impossible to get through on the phone. And all I can do is nod, and add, "This is what I deal with on a daily basis."

I know this turned into an anti-work rant, but it needed to be said to someone else, besides being screamed at full volume in the cab of the truck. Tomorrow I'll go to the stupid fuel stop, camp there for the rest of the day, and deliver my load in the morning on Friday. After which, who knows where the roads will lead. I will try to keep you posted.

Another post, because you can only twiddle thumbs for so long

2012-01-03T15:48:00.002-06:00

I'm still on layover, waiting for my hours to reset so I can get moving once again. I have no idea which region I will end up in, I'm just hoping it will be one with no actively falling winter precipitation.

In a way, I think I lucked out not being able to take the last load, mainly because the entire way was snowy once you got up around Kentucky and into Ohio and north. And, to be truly honest, I can do without having to go to Maine at this time of year. Try me in late May or something, but for the next few months I'll take a pass.

Yes, I do appreciate the irony of moving south to escape the harshest clutches of winter, only to get a job that is sending me right back into the worst of it. I've been lucky so far, but I know my luck won't hold out forever. I foresee a lot of weather shutdowns and repowers in my future because I have absolutely no desire to drive in snow. Granted, I won't be a total wuss about it, but it is nice to know I have the option to not go if I don't feel comfortable doing so.

I keep searching the local classifieds for a local driving job that I can do, and have submitted applications while I've had the free time. Maybe something will come of it, maybe not, but at least I'm trying.

On the positive side: I'm somewhere warm, it's been lovely the past couple of days, and the rest has done me a world of good, along with allowing me to clean my "apartment" and get other things caught up. I probably should have brought more videos, but I wasn't anticipating this much downtime.

Tomorrow, I should have my next assignment, and will be back on the road. Tonight, I'll make the most of the relaxing I have left and figure out what the hell I'm gonna do for dinner. Wendy's is getting pretty old and I'm not in the mood for soup.

Until I write again, be well and take care.

Time for a quick break

2012-01-02T14:01:00.002-06:00

Here I am at a truck stop in lovely Houston, Texas. And, more than likely, here I will be for at least another day or so. This little break is necessary to reset my hours of service, and quite welcome after the past couple of weeks. I did some checking and it won't affect where I need to be to move ahead to the next phase of my job.

I got into town yesterday, with plenty of time to get a decent break in before I had to deliver my load. My appointment time was at Stupid O'Clock, which meant I had to be up and rolling by at least half-past You Gotta Be Freakin' Kidding Me. I was plenty early to get through the check-in, and six hours after I arrived, I was on my way back to the truck stop.

Now, every day I send in a check call which lists my hours worked and my hours available. I also have to send on how many hours I have left for the day when I am empty at a receiver. By the time I finished and got parked, I had a grand total of five hours left for the day, after which I had to shut down until tomorrow to gain some time back.

Two hours later, I got a load assignment. I had to be about five hundred miles away in Arkansas to pick up and be at the shipper by tomorrow morning. The load delivered on Saturday in Maine. While this was nice from a mileage standpoint, with the hours I had available to me it would have been impossible to do. I called in and talked to the safety department, as I have to do to discuss a trip plan. When the safety guy looked at my hours, he agreed there was no way this was gonna happen, and told operations that I need a 34-hour shutdown. The nice thing about the shutdown is that it resets my clock back to 70 full hours, and gives me a nice rest. The bad thing is I'm stuck at a truck stop in Houston, low on money (won't get paid until at least Wednesday, I sincerely hope) and with nothing to really do. I might drag out the DVDs just to kill some time, maybe get some decent sleep as best as I can.

There's wireless access at the truck stop, and I can pop in and do internetty things. I'll see what I can finagle for food (still have ramen soups and stuffing mix I can whip up) and fight the boredom as best as I can.

Until next time.

Another year over and what have I done?

2011-12-29T18:14:00.001-06:00

I may not get another shot at writing this before the new year, so as long as I have some down time, I'll take a brief few moments to review the year that was 2011.

The start of the year found me doing the job I hated doing but had no choice but to do, which was the accursed home medical job. My prospects looked dim, I had nothing lined up or even looking promising, and I was quite miserable. The wonderful ice storm in February made things even better, as it turned my usual 2 hour commute to work into an 11-hour odyssey to get back home before major and important body parts froze and snapped off.

A transfer to a closer branch rounded out the spring months, amid major shake-ups from the top down. Where I originally enjoyed not being on call, that was changed abruptly, and since the old liquid oxygen delivery driver was about to return, I figured he could have his route and I'd take the non-liquid route. At least, from an on-call perspective, it would make things a little easier on me.

That feeling baked away as the summer wore on, and by the end of it, seeing no other alternative, I made the fateful call. In mid-September, I returned to school and by the first of October, I had my Class A CDL and a job as an over-the-road trucker. I (barely) made it through the first orientation, more due to personality conflicts with the trainer than my lack of skills, and the shorter three-week training cruise with a fellow student went a little better, though not by much.

So, here it is the end of December, and I am once again out on the road, this time as a solo driver, doing the best I can with what little I get in assistance from the home office. I am sitting on a load that will deliver late if I have to run it all the way through due to my low available hours, I feel thoroughly disgusted and unsure of myself, I'm pretty much flat broke until the payment for the last two trips I did comes through, and I can only pray that I will make it through this and gain the experience that will help me get a local trucking job.

And with that, I will close out the ol' blog for 2011 and wish everyone that reads this a very happy and prosperous New Year. And, if you could spare some good wishes for myself and Ms. Darkstar, I would be very appreciative.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Wow...it's Christmas

2011-12-23T17:25:00.001-06:00

I can't believe how fast the time has gone, and already it's Christmas. Looks like I'll be sitting in a truck stop in Rhode Island, at least that evening after I finish my driving for the day, in preparation for my first drop on Monday morning. I can't begin to tell you how weird it is not having anywhere to go even if I wanted to, nor do I have the option of staying in bed and letting the day pass.

I did have a tradition on the other incarnations of this blog: the posting of the lyrics of one of my favorite Christmas songs. So, without further ado ...

A Christmas Carol

by Tom Lehrer

Christmas time is here, by golly,

Disapproval would be folly.

Deck the halls with hunks of holly,

Fill a cup and don't say, "when..."

Kill the turkeys, ducks, and chickens,

Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,

Even though the prospect sickens,

Brother, here we go again!

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,

your fellow man you must adore.

There's time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and six-ty-four....

Relations, sparing no expense'll

send some useless, small utensil,

Or a matching pen and pencil.

"Just the thing I need ... how nice..."

It doesn't matter how sincere it

is, or how heartfelt the spirit,

Sentiment will not endear it.

What's important is ... the price!

"Hark! the Herald-Tribune sings,

Advertising wondrous things..."

"God rest ye, merry merchants, may ye make the Yuletide pay!"

"Angels we have heard on high,

Tell us to go out and buy!"

So .....

Let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,

Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,

Driving his reindeer across the sky...

Don't stand underneath when they fly by!

I sincerely hope you all have a very pleasant holiday, and I'll catch up with you when I am next able to do so.

The calm between storms

2011-12-20T19:11:00.000-06:00

I'm sure that most of you that read this blog are curious as to how my big adventure went yesterday. I awoke early and did another quick check of the weather along my planned route, and figured I could be past the worst of it, so I set off at 6 am. I managed to make it through mostly rain with a few flakes mixed in around Oklahoma and some freezing rain just inside Colorado, but it was still fairly warm and the roads were wet and not frozen, and I was able to continue on. I hit a nice patch of dry roads before I got to I-70, and and I was happy that I had made it through before the predicted onset of the worst of the storm.

Unfortunately, once I got onto I-70, I ran into the freezing fog and drizzle. From what I could see, I was there just as the roads were beginning to freeze, and I saw several accidents along the way, including a jackknifed tractor-trailer. I kept my speed low and pressed on, mostly since there were no real safe havens along the way, and by the time I got to Denver, the roads were treated and passable. I fueled and parked for the night, since I had an early delivery. When I checked my truck over that night, there was about an eighth of an inch of ice on the mirror mounts and on the front of the truck.

I am now sitting in Nebraska, with another early-delivering load which I'm hoping I can deliver on time. Looks like it's going to be another super-early day, and this time I'm going to see if I can get a proper shutdown to recharge a bit. And of course, there's another storm due to come through by the end of the week. I have no idea where I'll be by then, but I have a feeling my winter odyssey has only just begun.

It's time to shut down and get some sleep. Good night.

The weather outside's about to become frightful

2011-12-18T21:26:00.003-06:00

AMARILLO, TX -- I got a load assignment on Saturday afternoon, and picked it up earlier today (Sunday). The load has to deliver in Colorado on Tuesday. When I started my trip plan, it looked like I wouldn't have a problem delivering on time.

And then I checked on the weather.

All along my route, and along the alternate route I could take if absolutely necessary, there's blizzard warnings posted. The snow's supposed to start falling early in the morning, and not let up until Tuesday.

Herein lies my dilemma. Should I take a chance and leave early in an attempt to get as far as I possibly can before the majority of the snow hits, or just stay where I am and let it pass over me? I've been analyzing forecasts all along the route and none of them look promising. There's also not a lot of safe havens along the route, which would make it even more dangerous to travel.

I'm going to try to get some sleep and re-assess things in the morning. It's about all I can do right now. Good night.

Riding Solo

2011-12-14T19:05:00.001-06:00

Well, apparently I made it through the training and orientation processes without any major hiccups, and as of Friday I will be in a truck of my very own, heading out solo over the highways and byways of this great land of ours.

Events on the home front, however, have me questioning if this is going to work out. At the moment, I will continue as normal and do the best I can under the circumstances, while at any free moment I will be exploring other options. There was an option that popped up this morning and I figured it wouldn't hurt to throw my name in the mix and see what happens. I know nothing's gonna happen by Friday but I figured I'd give it a shot.

The heading out and staying out for weeks at a time, while still somewhat difficult, has gotten better and the overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation didn't hit me as bad on the last trip I took. With Christmas coming up in a week and a half, and knowing I'll be on the road for that time, we'll see how things go this time around.

Anyway, there's preparations that need to be made and things that need to be done before I set off once again, so the next time I update I'll be somewhere other than home.

On to the next one

2011-12-08T17:32:00.001-06:00

Friday will mark the ending of my second phase of training at the company, and after that I should be cleared to go out on my own. It's been a long road, with lots of miles and lots of doubts, and yet I'm still here.

I am seriously hoping we'll get to return to the yard tomorrow after our drop-off. My training partner hasn't been home in a couple of months and all I really need is to be home and just not having to be in a position of having to do something. There will be things I want to do, like cook a belated Thanksgiving feast (with homemade stuffing) and cuddle the felines. And, like last time, the days off will go by much too fast and I'll have to set off once again.

I've had a taste of winter already and I'm not looking forward to seeing more of it and more frequently.

For now, I relax, tomorrow we deliver our load, and after that ... the only good outcome is to return to the truck yard. I'm not looking forward to, nor do I really want to, another load to pick up and deliver.

Until next time, my friends.

Oh joy ... winter's here

2011-12-02T22:09:00.001-06:00

Yeah, it's December ... as if I didn't already know that by the calendar, the flaky white stuff falling outside the truck windows makes it a dead giveaway that winter has set it's icy foot in the door and isn't going to go aay anytime soon. Our plan was to get to Las Cruces, New Mexico before the storm took hold, but thanks to a mechanical problem (not my fault) and taking the wrong road (totally my fault), we're overnighting in Santa Rosa.

I was not looking forward to this coming winter because I would be driving in the worst of it. The funny thing is, I moved down south to escape the brunt of winter's wrath. Now, there's no escape.

I'm a bit tired and frazzled, so this will be a short entry just to let you know that, despite it all, I'm still around and maybe with a little luck I can go home in a week or two, where I can hopefully spend a few days before I have to venture back out again.

I'd say more but no one really wants to hear it or cares anyway.

Goodnight.

If It's Thursday, today must be Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T16:00:00.001-06:00

Today, all of America celebrates Thanksgiving Day, a day to gather with family and/or friends and reflect on the year past and all that one has to be thankful for in the year ahead. Sounds nice, doesn't it? In truth, it's a day to eat way too much food and fall asleep watching football. Some of the more ambitious of the clan will organize and pre-plan the shopping extravaganza of tomorrow with all of the skill and cunning of a seasoned military veteran.

Unlike most of the civilized world, I will not be spending any time at home, nor will I be with any family, friends or loved ones. I am spending my day in a truck stop thousands of miles from home, eating whatever food I can get at whichever nearby restaurant I choose to visit. Tomorrow, I get to pick up another load and head back across the country yet again in what seems like a never-ending cycle of loneliness and depression.

As much as I would like to tell myself that I knew what I was getting myself into when I started this mad merry-go-round ride, the cold reality is I had absolutely no idea it was going to be anything like this. The nights are getting very cold and, since trucks aren't allowed to idle all night long, nor does this truck have one of those nifty little power units that provide heat and whatnot, that is adding to my misery.

I could go on, but who really cares?

I had said in my previous post, for those of you that still read this blog and pay attention, that I have nothing to be thankful for or feel blessed about. That is not entirely true. There is one person whom I feel thankful to have in my life, and it is a blessing to have her continue to be there despite becoming one of the "cool kids" and I can only hope that she will continue to be there throughout this crazy ride I'm on.

I'm getting too depressed to write anymore. Maybe another time.

Maybe.

On The Road: Thanks for ... ??

2011-11-21T14:15:00.001-06:00

Phase Two of my training has begun, and I am currently sitting in a truck stop just west of Flagstaff, Arizona. Although I don't remember packing them, my usual assortment of doubts has crept in, leaving me to wonder what I got myself in to, and more importantly, if there is indeed a way out this time. Naturally, as is the custom and as it's always been since I first started the training school, information has been flung at me hard and fast, and time will only tell how much of it has managed to stick to the walls of my brain, such as it is. If I knew at the onset that things would be this weird, and after talking to drivers for this company, knew that this is de rigeur and part of the status quo, I would have never come here.

Too little, too late.

Thanksgiving is this Thursday. I'm many miles from those that I consider family, and while this isn't by any stretch the first Thanksgiving I've had to work over my years, it will be the first one where, at the end of the work day, I will not be able to go home when the work is finished. This, like most things I've experienced, will be a big first for me. No, I'm not handling this well, thanks for asking. The gentleman at the Subway where I had lunch remarked on the "slow end to the workday," and all I could think to myself was: Dude, at least your day has an end.

I still look at things differently than I used to, and of all the things I took for granted, going home at the end of the work day is one of the things I miss most.

My luck continues, unfortunately. Not counting the general screw-ups (because I am technically still learning), I find myself thoroughly disenchanted with the company I work for. We have a load that is supposed to be delivering at it's first offload point at 2 am tomorrow morning about 650 miles from where I am. We (my co-driver and I) told the company several times, going through the phone system and a flurry of satellite messages, that there was no way we would be able to make the delivery time because, thanks to having to log all of last week's classroom time as on-duty time, we would not have enough hours to make the trip. We told the dispatchers, we told the department who's responsibility it is for this type of load, and we told our driver manager. All of whom sent their reassurances that they would work on getting someone else who had the time to get the load where it had to go.

Which is why we are currently sitting in the middle of nowhere, with nothing around us but the rugged Arizona hills, with absolutely no hours left on our clocks, unable to move the truck even if we had to. I've not heard a word from anyone at the company since I spoke to them before we rolled out earlier this morning.

Thanksgiving time, so they say, is a time to reflect on your blessings and the things you're thankful for over the year. As it stands now, I can honestly say, with all conviction and truth, I have absolutely nothing to be thankful for, nor do I feel particularly blessed in any aspect of my life. I'm not all that optimistic about the next year, or the ones after that, either.

And don't get me started on Christmas. That's a rant left best for another time. Maybe next month.

Show me the way

2011-11-10T12:20:00.001-06:00

Looking back over my last entry, reading it over and looking at it from a fresh perspective, I admit it does seem pretty melancholy. Partly, because it is, and that was my frame of mind when I wrote it. And partly because I've been told that no matter what I do, or where I go, I will probably never be happy.

I don't know if it's so much not being happy as not finding my focus, or knowing if I am indeed heading in the right direction, in my life. When I think about all of the times I was asked, "What do you want to do/be when you grow up?" the only honest answer I could give was, "I don't know." There was never any real push to seek a skill and for many years most of what I did was what I though I would enjoy or felt that, at the time at least, I really wanted to do. I was told to develop a core set of skills so you could have something to fall back on should an option not work out as planned. The only problem with that is in doing so, there's no real opportunity to develop proficiency to a level that makes you desirable or employable.

I've looked back at all the jobs I've ever held. Yes, there's a lot of them, and in varying fields based on what I was doing at the time. I've analyzed the best and worst traits of each, and there are a couple of common threads. Of all the jobs, I liked the driving part of them the best. It was nice to be out and away from any type of office politics, be somewhat on your own, knowing what you had to do and getting it done with little or no real direct supervision. The parts I thought were the worst were the periods away from home for long periods of time, with no real decompression time and very little time off.

I am now locked into a job that combines the best and worst in one tidy package.

In a few short days I will have to be ready to hit the road yet again and complete training. This time out is supposed to be shorter, with less home time following, after which I could either be granted the opportunity to head out on my own or told I won't make it. I have no reason to intentionally torpedo my chances so I will give it my best shot and let the chips fall where they may -- if I fail, it won't be for lack of effort on my part.

The hard truth of the matter is I don't want to go. An even harder truth is that I have to. This is the conflict I will be wrestling with and trying to contain as I put on a brave face and soldier on as I am supposed to.

I've looked at local want-ads and I don't think I'm going to do that any more while I'm home. All the jobs in my field require at least a year of experience, and at my age it's way too late to change careers and start fresh. I wouldn't even know where to start.

And that's where things stand. I will continue to do my best and I can only hope it's good enough. It doesn't mean I'm going to be happy about it, but for now it's all I have.

On The Road: My wanderings

2011-11-05T20:06:00.003-05:00

I'm typing this from a truck parked in a truck stop somewhere in Ohio. I've been out on the road as part of my new job for the past five weeks, learning the tricks of the trucking trade and essentially living the life of a wandering nomad who just happens to transport goods to various points around the country.

It's not been an easy time, as I'm still learning a lot, but things as far as the operation of the truck and various tasks like backing up to a dock or into a parking space at a truck stop have gotten a little easier. I've gotten better at it, at least, and haven't run over anyone or anything ... yet.

So far I've crossed the country twice and hit many different points in between. I've currently logged over 10,000 miles driven. I've been to cities I've only seen in pictures: Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, Phoenix, Tucson, Los Angeles, Cheyenne, Detroit, and many other towns. I've driven through the wide open spaces of Wyoming, seen the saguaro forest of Arizona, been through the Mojave Desert, and saw the Pacific Ocean.

And, more important, I've seen you. At least, a representative cross-section of you. I see you commuting to work, I see you commuting home after a long day, I see you out on errands or just going somewhere as I cruise along the highway. I see all of you, living your normal little lives.

And I envy you.

I envy you because, unlike you, as long as I'm out here my work never ends. It's always another load, to another destination, in another city and another state. But the truly sad part, for me at least, is that all I really, truly want right now, is to go home.

Because, to me at least, that's where you're supposed to go at the end of the day.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I love driving. I'm very glad I took the steps to upgrade my license. I'm happy that I received the training and that I'm fairly competent at what I do. I don't hate the job per se, in fact under different circumstances I might have had a better time living on the road.

I guess, in my little heart of hearts, I'm just not the nomadic type. I feel better when I know the job is done and I can return to my own home, and do it all over again the next day.

I hope I can find something like that.

In a few days, I will have completed this phase of training and, for a little while at least, can have a few days to be at home and decompress. And weigh options.

And, if need be, get ready to head back on the road.

Big changes on the job front

2011-10-02T20:08:00.000-05:00

Many of you may already know that for the past year and a half or so, I was working at a job that, quite frankly, I despised. Money was tight and our situation was growing grim, so when the opportunity came along I took the job with the following caveat: I would only work there until I was able to find something else, and then it would be over. A year and a half went by, with application after application, and not so much as a callback for an interview. The ones that did call me back never so much as sent a "no thank you" letter.

I knew that one way to improve my worth was to get my class A license (essentially, a license to drive a tractor-trailer), and there was only one way to do that in my case. It would require me going over the road for at least a year to not only get the experience most employers are looking for, but to enable me to pay off the school loan at a reduced rate. I waffled over this decision for a long time, and in August, after another in a string of hellish days at the old job, took the plunge and made the call.

Three weeks of training to get the license and operate the trucks, and I now have a class A CDL. I am awaiting assignment to a trainer to spend the next five weeks on the road. I am nervous and excited, and I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. Given that I just turned 44 on Friday, I don't think I have a lot of pages left, and should get to continuing the story as best as I can.

At some point this week, I'll be setting off across the United States, driving hither and yon and learning about my new trade. I'll update when I can.

Weedy

2011-08-23T20:05:00.000-05:00

They called her Skunkweed.

That's a hell of a name to give something, never mind that this particular name was attached to one of the sweetest animals it has been my pleasure to have in my life. It was decided, pretty much upon hearing that name, that from that moment on, she would be forever known as Weedy.

When Weedy entered mine and Ms. Darkstar's life, she was already ten years old. Her owners had a dilemma and through some quirks of fate, along with a new baby and allergies, I believe, Weedy had to find a new home. Ms. Darkstar learned of her while working at one of the fabulous companies she temped for during her time in the Frozen Tundra. The wrinkle in the plan was that Ms. Darkstar wanted to adopt a smaller, and younger, feline, but one look at Weedy and no other cat would have done. Add the fact that she was an elder cat, and elder cats and animal shelters aren't the best match, and Weedy was pretty much a done adoption. We set out to pick her up after I got out of work.

I still remember her reaction to meeting Willow. After some hissing and fluffing things calmed down to a point where both parties agreed to disagree. Willow had no problem at all with his new playmate/sister, and Weedy wanted nothing to do with him, going as far as to leave the room if he should happen to enter. Every now and then we'd catch them playing together, but most of the time each cat stayed their distance.

Ms. Darkstar was motivated to adopt another cat mainly because it was clear that Willow was a daddy's boy, and she wanted something that would cuddle and love all up on her. To a point, Weedy did think Ms. Darkstar made a wonderful cushion on those chilly Frozen Tundra mornings, but for the rest of the time, guess who she gravitated towards ... yup, me.

Weedy had her little quirks about her. When she would wake up from her nap, she'd get out of her cat bed and emit a series of grumpy little meows before stalking over to myself or Ms. Darkstar and demanding her wake-up petting. If we weren't quick enough, or if we didn't hear her come in, we'd feel a gentle tapping on our arms or legs. We'd look down and see Weedy looking up at us with her bright, green eyes, expecting the attention she felt she so rightly deserved.

Weedy didn't like being held or cuddled. She would, after we first got her, climb into my lap and, if no one else (like a certain Ms. I've been mentioning here) was around, would snuggle her head under my chin, or occasionally, sniff inside my ear. The whurffling sound, along with the purring noise and the cat breath inside my ear, tickled a lot, but I let her get her snuggling time whenever I could. In later years, she would just flop herself up on my desk, usually on top of my keyboard, or just sit in front of the monitor as if to say, "Your work now is to pet and worship me, for I am beautiful."

We had lots of nicknames for our dear girl: Grumpy Weedy, Momma Weedy, Little Miss Whurrflepurr (which came around because of the incident mentioned above), but never Skunkweed. We did, however, learn WHY she had been given that name, and it only took about a month to figure it out.

She had the softest head bonk. It's like she barely even touched you, but you felt it tickling on your leg. Or her way of waking you up with a well-placed, cold, wet nose on any exposed skin. She would greet me after a long day of work with a litany of complaints, expressed as loud meows if I didn't arrive home when she expected me to do so.

Each of those memories makes me smile a bit.

I wish those memories would stand out in my head more. All I can see now is the replay of her last night with us. Flashes of the past month. Lots of "what if I had..." and "if only I ..." dancing around those final, brief moments, leading to the trip to the emergency vet clinic, the grim prognosis, and more importantly, the statement that, even with aggressive treatments, there was no guarantee she'd last the night.

We gathered in Exam Room 2. Our poor girl, thin and weak, panting in an effort to breathe ...

We petted her, kissed her, reassured her. We told her how much we loved her, how the pain would be over soon, and we were right here, we weren't going to leave.

The vet hooked up the syringe. And pushed the cocktail in.

Weedy's breathing slowed, and slowed, and finally stopped. As did her heart.

Weedy had passed.

We spent a long time with her, just brushing her soft fur, feeling her body grow cold. We did all that we could.

This week will be one of the longest weeks for us. Every day, I will expect to see her sleeping in her cat bed underneath my desk.

Or feel her soft bonk on my leg.

Or hear the grumpy meows.

Or feel the soft tap-tapping on my arm, and I'll look down and see her bright green eyes staring at me.

I'd give ten lifetimes for any of that.

I miss her.

And her name was Weedy.

Event wrap-up: STRIP! The Dallas Webcomics Expo

2011-08-07T11:44:00.000-05:00

Our annual pilgrimage to STRIP! has completed, and now all we can do is look ahead to next year's show. STRIP! was formerly known as DWEX, and was intended as a showcase for webcomics and their creators. This is the third year the event has been held, and is also the third year we've attended.

Our first foray here was made not long after our arrival in Texas. We peripherally "knew" one artist, Randy Milholland, and being admirers of his comic we set out to meet him. We achieved that goal, and also met such great people as Samantha Wikan, Barry Buchanan, and Rebecca Hicks. We've attended every year since and met more great artists. This year was no exception.

Our day started early with a trip to the bank to withdraw some money, and then it was off to the Southfork Hotel in Plano. We arrived a bit early, and had to wait for the doors to officially open after we checked in and got our little "it's okay, we already paid" stamp.

Once inside, things became a whirlwind of activity. We saw Rebecca, Samantha, and Barry before I went to reconnect with Leroy Brown, whom I met at the first show. We then went and said hello to David Wilborn, and I went to see Mark Largent. (sidenote: Please be sure to check out Greyhawk and the Starbucklers -- it's an excellent read and I don't think you'll be disappointed.) It was also great to see Will Rodriguez again this year, and I even bought a couple of pictures from his son, who is turning out to be a very talented artist as well.

We were able to check out a couple of panels -- one of which was announcing a special premiere event, which I will be able to attend (I'm glad my on-call wraps up before then), and later in the day we went to the Women In Webcomics panel. It was a very good panel discussion, but I wish it could have touched on more subjects As it was, we had to clear the room for the next panel and a lot of questions went unasked. Still a very nice panel to attend and hopefully next year we can touch on more topics.

Joel Watson and the Cyanide & Happiness crew were there, and we were even treated to an impromptu concert. I never thought I'd hear Word Up and I'm Your Boogieman played on the ukulele, but Joel did a great job playing along. There were some pretty decent cosplayers walking around throughout the afternoon, and The Taffeta Darling did an excellent job portraying the expo's mascot.

I also met a bunch of great artists, and if I missed anyone, I do apologize -- these are the ones from which I was able to collect information: Scott Tapp; Jason Poland; Jason McLean; Elia Madrid (making her first convention/expo appearance); Thomas Overbeck; Terry Wagner of Mental Diversions; Michael Hawkins; Brad Diller; Jose Ramirez and Jamel Jones from Drink & Draw DFW; James O'Barr, author and illustrator of The Crow; the crew from Grrl Power, Halloween Man, and The Jupiter Palladium; and JediCole and the United States of Geekdom.

The show wrapped up and we had time to kill, so we went looking for food. The hotel bar was full of poker players (no-limit Texas hold-'em tournament, happens every Saturday) and the restaurant proper was closed, so we braved the heat and walked across to Twin Peaks. I was hungry. The food was ... edible, and had some decent flavor to it. Although, for what they save in the wardrobe department, they could invest it back into the kitchen. My steak could have been cooked a little bit more, but at least it didn't moo at me.

After dinner, we returned to the hotel for the Live Art Show and charity auction. We shared a table with Rebecca and James, and Chris Jeffrey and his girlfriend joined us as well. Earlier in the day, there was talk about "booth barnacles," and sitting in the company of such talented artists (joined later on by Jamel Jones, and DAMN he's talented), listening to them talk about arty things, sort of made me feel like one. So, I decided to post this tweet and wouldn't you know, this is the one the event organizers chose to re-tweet:

Hanging out at the art show post-STRIPcon. Sitting with the cool kids. Feel so out of place. Hate having no talent. #boothbarnacle

The table got a big kick out of that one, and Rebecca encouraged me to run with the theme, so I composed more booth barnacle posts over the course of the evening. I also come away with some more awesome art and was pretty sad when the evening was over.

Yesterday was a blast, and I can't wait until next year's show! Special thanks to Rebecca, Samantha, Barry, Chris, Mr. Largent and Dave Wilborn for allowing me to be a hanger-on and tolerating my presence, and special gratitude to Jonathan Caustrita, Bobby Blakey, and Michael Moreno for organizing and putting on this wonderful event.

We'll be right back after these messages...

2011-06-11T21:55:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize until I stopped watching television on a regular basis just how much of a stranglehold advertising had on me. I imagine it was even worse than I feared because I am one of the most gullible people on the planet, or maybe I just wanted to believe all of the claims put forth in those ads. I was quite the trusting soul when I was younger. Is this the toy that will make me the envy of all of the kids? I want it. Will drinking this brand of soda (or beer, later on in life) make me cool and popular? One, please. Is there an invisible man living in the sky that sees all, knows all, and watches over everything I do? Well ... we'll cover that in another topic, but I sure bought into it.

Nowadays, when I do have the occasion to see television, I watch the commercials and programs with a kind of bemused detachment. Most of what I see doesn't make me desire their product, but instead makes me wonder who the hell falls for such ridiculous claims and ... oh yeah, a few years ago it would have been me.

Advertising has become less about showcasing a product and more about trying to convince you that by using this product, you will:

Become popular and well-respected among your peers and others.
Get laid, or at least become more desirable to the opposite sex.
All of the above.

As a dorky little kid with very few friends, anytime something was advertised that held even the remotest of promises of popularity, I bought into it hard. Maybe it was just a way of instilling a sense of conformity at a relatively young age in an attempt to make it routine in later years, but whatever it was, it worked. And yet, for all of my attempts at seeking approval, I was still the dorky kid with very few friends and some version of the latest "cool" thing.

I'll feature some of the ads from those bygone days, along with personal reflections on what I was thinking when I first saw these items and whether or not I actually obtained them. Maybe, in the course of doing this I can figure out why today's ads don't hold the allure their older counterparts did. I think it's just because I've gotten more cynical and skeptical in my old age.

TV Time: How To Kill Time On Weekend Mornings

2011-05-22T20:21:00.000-05:00

A typical weekends when I was younger would have found me up at around the crack of dawn, heading to the television set, waiting for the farm reports to end so I could get to the serious business of watching those all-important kids' shows. Bear in mind a lot of this took place when I wasn't bust with catechism classes or other activities. This would last until around noontime, and after a nice lunch I would head outside for the bulk of the day.

There were a few programs I got to thinking about recently, and how they pretty much disappeared from view, for better or worse. We'll explore a few of these programs in this entry, and as more present themselves, they will be featured in future articles.

NOTE: Video links will be included, but there will be no embedded videos in this or any entry. I do this so as to: a) not break your reader window; and b) give you the chance to "opt-out" of viewing any of the content I am showcasing.

Let's start with Make A Wish, which ran until 1976 on Sunday mornings. Yes, ABC was, at the time, showing children's programming on Sundays as well. This practice was eliminated in the early 1980s when ABC joined the other big networks in presenting news shows. Strangely enough, Make A Wish was produced by ABC News. Hosted by Tom Chapin (brother to Harry, who also wrote some of the music for the show), each episode would focus on a particular theme, encouraging the viewer to "imagine all the possibilities." I can still remember the words to the part that was sung right before a commercial break:

"Dream a dream, sing a song, wish you could, right or wrong.
Take a chance, sing and dance, wish you could, you'll find it good.
So dream your dreams, dreams come true.
They can even work for you..."

*ahem* Sorry, my singing voice is a bit rusty.

In 1976 this show was replaced by Animals, Animals, Animals -- a show about, yup, animals. Hosted by Hal Linden (known to me at the time as Barney Miller), the show presented a different species of animal each week and told you a little bit more about them. This was another Sunday morning timekiller, since it was on late enough that church would be over and I could be home to watch it.

Moving along to a couple of forgotten gems from Saturday mornings, we begin with The Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show. Now, I had never heard of the Hudson Brothers outside of this show, which only lasted one season but seemed to me to go on much longer. It was typical goofball stuff with musical numbers thrown in, and while much of the show doesn't stick in my brain, I can still remember the opening and closing, along with good ol' Avery Schreiber. An attempt to cash in on the Hudson Brothers' fame, perhaps? Maybe, I can't say for sure.

Another show in the same vein was The Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine. The famous comedy basketball team had their own entry in Saturday mornings, appearing here in person rather than animated form. This was also where I had first heard of Rodney Allen Rippy. This was another one-season wonder and again it seemed to me to have been on much longer.

But things weren't all fun and games. CBS, in an attempt to educate and inform produced In The News, highlighting and explaining a current news topic. Each segment was maybe five minutes long, and aired in the space between programs.

There's more to cover, but we'll save that for another entry. So, until next time, take care.

Lazy days

2011-05-15T14:30:00.000-05:00

Today is my lazy day, of a type I very rarely get to experience anymore. It's not often that I get a day to do hardly anything, what with getting caught up on things I couldn't do during the week and general household things that need doing, so I'm making the most of this. I have stew in the crock pot for dinner, later on I'll make a batch of biscuits, maybe watch a video or two, and get myself all relaxed for back to work tomorrow.

When I was younger, we lived in a fairly rural area and on weekends I would take the opportunity to just head off into the woods, or explore a field nearby the house, or just plunk down under a tree and watch the sky for a while. Being isolated from everyone and everything, for however brief a time as it was, helped me recharge a bit and get in touch with me, which made it a lot easier to deal with things throughout the rest of the week.

I know that, realistically, I'm not able to do that anymore. It is nice to just be free from responsibility for a bit, let things go and relax, and not have to be doing things that others are demanding I do. I can set my own pace, my own schedule, and do what I want. And, if what I want to do is nothing, even better.

I've been going through some things here that will factor in when I do future posts. I'm hoping these will serve as a bit of a snapshot as to what I was exposed to when I was growing up and maybe provide a glimpse into the not-so-distant past. I may work on that a little bit later, or perhaps I'll set it aside for another time.

After all, today's a lazy day.

Wander with me (and my thoughts)

2011-05-11T20:45:00.000-05:00

If it seems like I've been lost in let's remember
If you think I'm feeling older and missing my younger days
Oh, then you should have known me much better
Cause my past is something that never got in my way

- Billy Joel, "Keeping The Faith"

One thing I probably will be doing a lot in this blog is reminiscing -- thinking of days gone by and things that I or those close to me used to do. For some reason, I find myself doing this quite a bit lately. I'm not sure if it's because I'm bored or if it's an attempt to figure out what from my past has influenced my future.

When I was a kid, I didn't have a lot of exposure to "pop culture," or at least it wasn't as in-your-face as it is today. I think, as a result of this, I missed out on a lot of things that I didn't discover until I got older. I was also a lot more trusting, always willing to believe the best about someone or taking what I was told at face value without question. It wasn't until adulthood that I actually started to really question things, mainly because of one excellent piece of advice I received in my twenties, that still carries with me today:

"Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see."

I also remember a lot of attempts by my parents to try to better their standard of living by hooking into the latest make-extra-money scheme. I recall Amway, and Miracle Maid, rather vividly. I think that my mother still has some of the Miracle Maid cookware, even after thirty-five years or so. I'm also thinking that most of this was instigated by my father, for better or worse, and I also know it never lasted all that long.

There will be more as we progress, little snippets of things that come to mind or a jog of the memory about a favorite toy, or television show, or just something that stuck with me through all of these years that, if I let it, comes to the front of my mind seemingly out of nowhere, compelling me to write it down before it disappears again.

This is no longer a placeholder, and welcome

2011-05-10T14:59:00.001-05:00

It's funny how things can come full circle, you know?

This marks my third serious attempt to create a blog, and I find myself back on Blogger again. I had left and went to TopCities, but since they decided to shut down my account for not paying the bill they sent to me a month late, I figured now would be a good time to return to the Blogger fold and create anew.

Some of you may know me, and I say welcome back. I promise not to let this bog devolve into a morass of angst and woe. To any new readers, welcome and I hope you will stick around. I may not write often, but I will write when I can.

Things are still in that awkward stage, sort of like moving into a new house and slowly unpacking things and getting everything set up just how you like it to make it truly feel like home. It will get better soon.